Kissing a Sumo Wrestler

Have you kissed a sumo wrestler? I didn't think so.

Would you?

Obviously (see photo) I'm not the sort of person who passes up a chance to experience new things, when those chances present themselves.

Some years ago, a friend wrote me a note asking if I knew anything about sumo wrestling. And as it turns out, I did. I was living in Japan at the time, and I came to appreciate the rituals embedded in the sport, as well as the speed, power and tactics employed by the best wrestlers, especially those who used craft and guile to overcome larger opponents.

I wrote back to tell my friend that I did know something about sumo, and asked him why he had asked. It turned out he wanted me to present "An Evening of Sumo" to a large group of high-achieving Aflac salespeople and their spouses. My friend has a relationship with a sumo stable (heya), and he arranged for an exhibition that would accompany a dinner.

Big dude.

On the evening, I met the sumo team, which comprised The Big Guy (Ikioi Shōta, 1.93 centimeters tall, weighing 161 kilograms), the stable’s manager/coach, and a handful of apprentices. We quickly reviewed the plan for that evening, and went downstairs to the ballroom where the event was being held.

The exhibition went well; I explained the history and rules of the sport, then the manager/coach introduced the apprentices, who demonstrated a handful of techniques.

Eventually, The Big Guy (a third-rank – very high-ranking – wrestler) came out to demonstrate the rituals that precede a bout, and to rebuff the (mock) attacks of the apprentices. After that, the manager/coach invited a few of the Aflac salespeople up to try to push The Big Guy out of the ring (that’s how you win a sumo match).

None could, of course, and the final element of the evening – before we allowed the salespeople to get on with their banquet – was a photo op on stage with The Big Guy.

As you may imagine, several hundred insurance salespeople were extremely oblivious to Japanese etiquette, and there was a big queue of female salespeople to have their photos taken smooching the wrestler (because once the first one stole a kiss, they all had to).

The Big Guy was good-humoured about it all, and finally the Aflac contingent was all kissed out.

There was a “green room” upstairs, and on the way back up there I found myself alone in the small lift with The Big Guy. I thought I would grab a wefie while I had the chance, and at the last second, inspired by all those Aflac salesladies, I decided to steal a kiss.

As you can see from the photo, he was surprised.

A few seconds later, we arrived at our floor, the doors opened, and we exited the lift.

Neither of us said anything, but Ikioi, if you’re reading this, you and I both know we’ll always have Tokyo.